I am so glad that I never claimed to have all the answers when it comes to parenting or raising children. I would be forced to eat those words if I had. I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what is going on in the brain of a 5-year old. If Anyssa had been born to us, we would have some idea of her personality and where she was emotionally, but with her coming to us from a foreign country, not speaking our language and having built up a personality developed from her surroundings in an orphanage, I simply don't know. I've mentioned some of what we've been experiencing to other parents and their response is something like "that's not because she came from China, it's because she's 5!" That might be, but is still difficult to deal with.
If anyone has the answers, please fill me in. What is it about bedtime that suddenly gives kids a burst of energy that Olympic athletes would envy? Why does she want to throw pretty much everything? Why does she pick the weirdest battles to fight? She is picking up English...at least she seems to understand more of what we say. If she could convey what she is dealing with or feeling, even if it was just "I don't wanna!", that would at least let me know where she is coming from. It's a total hit and miss. I pray for guidance and know that this is simply the beginning of a new life for us all.
I put up the Christmas tree this weekend and today we all helped in decorating it. For awhile, anyway. After about 20 minutes, Anyssa was pretty much bored with it so we called it a night. We're going to have a simpler Christmas this year. One tree (instead of our usual 2), probably no train around the tree, and simpler decorations. I wonder if she thinks that this is a year round event...the Christmas season was in full swing when she arrived here. Hopefully by next Christmas, she will be more grounded and a tiny, itty-bit more mature than now. I am more realistic that to assume that we were going to have a Currier and Ives type holiday this year.
Anyway, the above comments represent the reason that I haven't posted much this week. I will try to post more frequently as the holidays progress. Stay tuned!
Roger and Laura,
ReplyDeleteIt can be frustrating when you want to change a particular aspect of your child's behavior and/or channel some of their energy in a more positive direction. Well meaning family and friends are offering advice that may cause you additional frustration!
You are dealing with some unique challenges given the language barrier and the fact that Anyssa has spent the first five years of her life in a totally different environment.
I know the experts don't know everything, but I always found it very helpful to turn to my trusted pediatrician to talk about behaviors and developmental issues. I hope that you have some professionals that you can turn to as well. It is nice to have an objective third party.
We will pray for all of you for guidance and patience.
Hang in there. The first thing every parent learns is to NOT to expect any child to be predictable. Heck! I have had over 22 years with child #1 and almost 20 years with child #2 and you would think I would know how things would "go down" by now....silly Mommy!!! Anyssa has extra hurdles to jump and so do the two of you....and you will get through them. No matter what, your love will grow and you will be able to look back and think...and learn...and laugh. People ask me how I raised two girls totally alone, work a full time plus job, and hold it together. I never looked at it much....you just do it. But there were definately times I thought I would fail or crack. Guess what? I can't even remember the incidents that provoked those doubts anymore. You two were put on this earth to be parents. My kids and I always said this and so did everyone else who know you! You are going to get your sea legs and realize what great parents you are! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Roger, Laura and Anyssa. It takes time to develop a routime I would imagine.
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for good days and nights for you
There is never a PERFECT way to do things. You will figure it out. Every Child is Different even if they were born to the same parents and raised in the same environment. Alex and Zach are day and night. You will learn to pick your battles. Some things are just not worth fighting. As for advice from everyone....listen to everyone (you never know what ideas people have that might work)and take bits & pieces of what you hear and do what works for you. Pretty soon you will be the ones giving parenting advice. Alex loves us to read to him so we tend to save reading for bedtime, that way he is eager to go to bed so he gets his story time..... the later he goes to bed the less books we read (if any). Zach since he is not in school yet gets to stay up late but tonight he was ready to go to bed early because he is excited that when he wakes up in the morning he gets to open his first window on the advent calendar and eat the chocolate. You, Laura and Anyssa are in my thoughts & prayers. Feel free to e-mail or call if you need anything or need to talk. It will get easier I promise especially once she can speak English. Soon she will talk so much that you like all parents of toddlers will find yourself wondering why you ever wanted her to talk in the first place.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with Currier and Ives is that I don't think it's ever existed except in oil paint!
ReplyDeleteThere are so many "ideals" presented to us out there. Ideal holidays, ideal homes and ideal families just to name a few. Nice to think about sometimes, but they aren't real. We have to make our own ideals and that's what you and Laura and Anyssa are doing right now.
Yes, this Christmas will be different because you got your wish! Now that's Ideal!!
A wise man once said, "You spend the first 2 years of a child's life teaching them to walk and to talk. Then you spend the next 18 telling them to sit down and shut up !" Anyssa is a very smart little girl and she will pick up the English quickly once she can hear better.
ReplyDeleteThe advice from Gina about reading at bed time is really good! You want to avoid doing physical stuff, playing a loud or exciting game......anything that would stimulate a child. She will learn a routine once she has one.
Make an effort to get a routine going for her: i.e. nice warm bath, PJs, and off to bed to read a couple of nice quiet books. Both of my boys love to read because they have been doing it all their lives. Simple, repetitive, quiet things are best for bedtime. And LOTS of love !!
That is the best advice from the omnipotent stomper !